A few weeks ago, I was very tired. Not a physical type of tired- more of a screaming at the top of your lungs tired. If I had a barometer for shits given right then, it would have been at a zero.
When I get this tired, I tend to want to give up on everything that I am doing. I want to quit Youtube, quit my coaching sessions, quit my relationship. If you open the car hood, and looked just a tad bit deeper, you’d notice that my oil has completely run out. This is the sign of burnout. Too much expenditure of giving vs. not enough receiving. Not enough saying no. Not enough speaking out. Not enough being yourself. Not enough of the nourishment that a soul needs to survive.
Luckily, I made a few phone calls, wrote a few times in my journal and slowed this process down. Instead of ripping all of the toxicity out of my life at once, I decided to wonder what my life would look like if I did things that truly excited me. What if I tried my sessions in a different way. Charge more money, charge less money. Do something new. Shake it up. These times in our lives require a makeover. A new leaf, a new style of communication, a re-invention, a new habit, a new career. A new something.
“Science fiction has become science,” said an anti-aging biotech’s CEO about the company’s completing its $100 million Series B round of financing last week. “I think the world is going. Burnout to Breakthrough is a 1-2-1 coaching program that uses proven principles to build a strong foundation of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health, vitality and longevity. Helping you to thrive in an ever changing world. We thank Thir.st for allowing us to share our story and experience thriving over burnout and breaking through it. The article has been edited to include new headers. Hope the article will bless you too. One man’s journey from burnout to breakthrough This article first appeared on thir.st on 6 Apr 2020. Burnout is real. And if you're feeling like you've been burning that candle at both ends. Or if you know someone who's been doing that, then this episode is for you and my guest today is Eileen McDargh.
When your body gives up and wants to throw the baby out with the bathwater, it’s time to realize that the bodies way of saying no, is usually by stockpiling everything until you reach your apex. Once you hit that- it rebels and pushes against the rest of your life. It usually also involves you freaking out and wanting to tear everybody and everything down, all at once. You may not have even realized that you were under the stress. Stress can be sneaky. Resentment can be sneaky. You may not even know you’ve grown stale, or started hating the things you do. You may just feel a sense of obligation, and so you never examine them.
My body said basically:
I cannot not handle one more fucking thingthat I dislike right now.
Not one more asshole on youtube who tries to mansplain spirituality and my personal journey to me, not one more day of feeling alone in my relationship, not one more e-mail or request, not one more attempt at always being the bigger person. I said fuck it. I don’t want to be the bigger person in this moment- and that’s my salvation. I don’t want to always have to be the one that holds space. The one that talks compassionately. The one that gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. The one that will let you off, because I know that what you said came from an unconscious place of pain. I don’t want to try so hard. I just want to let loose and say NOOOOOO.
This not giving a shit also includes: questioning, in real time, why people are saying the things they are saying, asking for clarifications, intentions or accountability, not putting in any more effort, taking a break (a big one), scrapping the blueprints in favor of a blank page, starting from scratch, showing up exactly as you are in your job where previously you felt so much pressure to offer the perfect service, and being honest about how people effect me. This is a big one for empaths. A lot of people want to tell you how they are feeling, because you hold such great space. But it can also be very relieving to let people know exactly how their words or actions are making you feel.
All of this to say- sometimes when you are fed up & angry. It’s a good sign. It means your body is saying ‘hey listen, you’ve really been stockpiling me with a lot of stuff. I’ve been resentful for months down here. I haven’t had an outlet for this- can we smash all of the things now? It’s a sign that you are becoming authentic and your body is getting a chance to press the restart button. You are airing out the corroded people pleasing material from within.
It’s important to move forward with care when this happens- because anger can feel empowering. And with that power can come destruction. I was very close to tearing it all down, as I mentioned earlier. But if you allow it to be the fuel to a new way forward, your life can start getting exciting again. I know so many women who feel the wild inside, who want to scream at the top of their lungs and run after what they are longing for. Even if they don’t know what that is. Burnout is the way to get from the robotic auto-piloted you to the wild you. It is the vehicle. It will tell you that you’ve reached your limit and things need to change now. And it will give you the jet fuel to actually carry that forward. Because a crazy animal has been let loose inside that will destroy your old roles.
Burnouts aren’t bad, although they can be avoided. They can be avoided by letting yourself choose you. Guilt will arise, that’s fine. As Gabor Mate says, it’s better to feel guilty than resentment. Choose you, over and over and over again. You might be scared and horrified and feel like the new will not fit. But what do you have to lose? Soul’s die when they give and give and give and don’t get their needs met. They whither away until they run out of juice and surrender. This is your chance to be the greatest advocate and cheerleader to your inner strength. It’s in there somewhere. Buried behind the need to make people like us.
So if you are a people pleaser like I have been, and you feel guilty with most of the decisions you make where you have to advocate for yourself (and usually that means letting someone down), let guilt be the indicator that you are doing it right. My main prerogative for so long in all of my relationships, is to not rock the boat. To not talk back, to not bring up conflict, to make sure that my opinions weren’t too outlandish. To always be the loving one. But as you can see, a burnout enough times can let that inner badass phoenix out to lead you to your own gigantic breakthroughs. Let that phoenix fly And more importantly- let that phoenix create something new.
Love love love,
Laura
Burnout And Breakthroughs Since
'First few episodes are awesome! Looking forward to more!'
- Dr Brian Peterson, DCWhat is Burnout?
I know Burnout because I lived it. I was in my 40’s and had everything I worked so hard for- an incredible family and impressive career- then I started to crash.
I got really tired. Some days it was all I could do to get out of bed and go to work. I started having anxiety for the first time in my life. My positive outlook on life turned into complaining and grumbling over little things and my testosterone levels bottomed out. I was burnt!
Burnout And Breakthroughs Video
As a doctor I was used to helping others, but now I had to become my own doctor and figure my way out of burnout.
Burnout And Breakthroughs Conference
It turned out the be a blessing in disguise because I learned how to heal my body and create a fulfilling lifestyle that was sustainable. I call it the Dream 2.0. Now I teach others how to listen to what their bodies are trying to tell them and turn their burnout into a breakthrough!